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Sunday, September 10, 2006
When people like Allan and Eloise (the people who took me in) open up their hearts and home to total stranger and give without thought of return I am overwhelmed. How many people in a dysfunctional family do that for their own? I imagine what this country would be like (was like a long time ago) if all the Vets could become functional once again and grateful for life instead of a life of doubt, fear, and uncertainty. It would be the country I dream of where people help their neighbors and give from the abundance they are grateful for. I remember not too long ago when we didn’t lock our car or house, we could make that happen again if we make families like Mark’s and Linda’s the norm not the exception.
These rare people I have met since on the trail since, like Mark and Mark Jr. who were walking in the rain thru rough terrain and were as happy as if they were in their right mind. They got that sharing your presents was the greatest thing; there is no greater gift for me than sharing in the presence of someone I love.
When I have given out of guilt, shame, or duty I did not feel abundant, I felt I had less than before. When I was needy I could not get enough and felt there wouldn’t be enough for me if I gave. When I lost everything I had, I realized how much I did have. Then when I started sharing I realized how little I really needed, there was more then enough.
Met 3 women hikers that were from Lancaster. We share food (well mostly I ater their food) and stories and lots of laughs; another day in paradise.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Arrived in Duncannon, signed in at Doyle’s Hotel (101 years old). I get a little sense of hopelessness in some of this town with a lot of the houses run down and litter on the streets. Today on TV they did a lot about 9-11. It’s interesting how we are aware of the need for immediate counseling for that trauma, but not from the war.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Staying in Duncannon so I am able to do a radio (105.5) interview over the phone tomorrow morning.
Met Kevin a North bound hiker wearing a USMC hat. I asked when he was in, he said ’67-’70, was all shot up in Vietnam and didn’t have a sober breath for the next 12 years. After he sobered up he was hit with PTSD in ’97 and went for counseling. We agreed that it should be mandatory because when you have it your usually the last on to know it. Kevin and the other Vets who I met on the trail that have been treated agree that group counseling would be more effective and that everyone is affected.
I was walking up to a convenience store and the door flew open and this screaming woman attacked me. First I was startled, but before I wet my pants I realized she was one of the 3 I met in the woods, boy did she miss me! We greeted one another and I went in and saw the other 2 who had no idea why she bolted in mid sentence. They thought they would not see me again. They gave me food and promised to write to their congressman. I told them I thought they were way ahead of me because I kept finding toilet paper on the bushes (one of them had a lose roll on a stick hanging on the side of her pack) as I came into town.
Tonight I saw Joe (the disabled vet I met coming into town) and asked if he called to get into the program. He said No, was angry at the world and self-medicated. (How many Joes could we have saved from that world if we had a mandatory program in place for Vietnam?) Then later I sat at the river with Kevin who got into a program on his own who was grateful to be alive and happy to share a moment on the river with me.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Did a radio interview for 105.5 Magic around the Allentown area at 9 am, then off to the woods in the rain. I had been a little home sick yesterday when I reflected on presence. I missed the presence of the people I love, the moments that make memories, to extend my life through theirs. Then I thought of Joe, what presence does he share, who are his loved ones besides the bar tender that serves him or the mail man that brings his disability check? In the service there was one common goal to stay alive, and to do that you trusted one another to make it happen. State side I don’t think there is one common goal, maybe to be financially secure? To achieve that lying, cheating, and stealing seem to come into play every so often, so it is hard to know how or who to trust when you get home. Since it usually isn’t life threatening, areas get pretty gray; to make that adjustment there is no switch you can turn on or off. They all need a mandatory intense workshop before they get discharged so they are better prepared and learn to trust the right people again.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Nice gray day with plenty of rain. Not a soul in sight and I am off.
Been thinking about regrets I have had and noticed that the big ones have to do with hurting another person. I don’t have any major ones for breaking stuff because I could repair it or replace it; when it comes to people I can’t take back what was said or done and I can’t make like it never happened. I can apologize, make amends, but I am still working at forgiving myself, letting go, and going on. Imagine I killed and innocent in battle. I come home then one day out of the corner of my eye I think I see that person in a store. What do you think runs through my mind? How functional do you think I could be?
I go through a pasture full of cow pies and the cows busy making them. They follow me (all but one) to the gate (I’ve still go that animal magnetism) and I thank them for the milk and beef all these years and am on my way. At that moment I think our government could learn from the farmer because if his cows get stressed he fixes it or loses money because they don’t produce and lose weight. When our boys get home all stressed out they don’t work and affect others around them. But wait: we are civilized and it shows after thousands of years how we now treat one another and our lofty priorities. We treat cows better than people?
Then I thought some more (the hazard of having so much time alone) that maybe it’s not about the money for we seem to spend plenty of it on all sorts of things and it seems rather obvious that PTSD is taking quite a toll. Maybe it’s about accountability, denial, status quo, priorities; whatever it is I don’t think it’s about money because it would save money.
Friday, September 15, 2006
I spent the night in Boiling Springs, PA with Caveman’s family. His father, who wrote for the police, gave me some good ideas to make this more successful. The more families I see that are whole, communicate, and are functional give me hope.
I am starting to get concerned about my back since I have compressed discs, so if there are people along the way that could help me slack pack I won’t say No.
Getting dropped off at the AT Mid Atlantic Regional Office at 8 am. I met John who works there and was told to expect me so he called them back to tell them (headquarters at Harpers Ferry) when to expect me. Then at 9 am the Sentinel photographer (Mike) showed up, walked with me for a while, and took pictures. While we were walking we met a section hiker. I told him what I was doing, then he told me he just came back from Washington fighting what he called corporate greed with the coal companies clearing mountains and ruining the water. They had a guy whose daughter is sick from it walk the highways 250 miles with a support van to Washington to plead his case. He asked me if I had sponsors. I said No; he has 70. He asked if I was having a press conference. I said I did not know but I do have a sponsor Congressman McDermott and I will do the best I can.
After that conversation and education I realized how naïve and ignorant I am. I only know about the cause I stand for; a congressman has to look at what all sides present (which is slanted), get some facts on his own, listen to his voters, industry, lobbyists, maybe his wife too, to get to the truth then make a decision from a moral stand on what makes the most people happy. And doing this several hundred times a year. It’s like being an umpire at a little league game where people are betting on the game. Who would want that job? So I am going to stress the points that make the most sense and keep it simple: A- Everyone is affected by the traumas of war, B- everyone that comes home affects 25 to 30 people, and C- the sooner they get intensive workshops (12 hour days for 2 weeks), the better the chance they have with dealing with the issues and being functional, productive members of our country.
I am open to ideas and constructive criticism, so don’t be afraid to write.
The photographer from the paper opened up and told me about his dysfunctional childhood. After listening to him I think I was raised by St. Joseph and the Virgin Mary. He never met his father who was from the Vietnam era and could have been another dysfunctional raising more of the same; it was just too painful to talk about his mother. I encouraged him to check out “Momentum” to know that there are other ways to view the world than the way he was raised.
Later on down the trail Train Wreck and Mega Man came up behind me. They started July 9th walking for disabled vets (www.trailrecovery.org). We had a good talk comparing notes about how things are going for us. We all saw that the small towns and papers were more responsive and generous than the big towns and big papers. Maybe the big towns and papers get asked more so they become leery or callous. The small towns listened and asked to give.
Train Wreck and Mega Man asked how I was holding up. I said my feet are fine but my back gives me cause to be concerned. They said when they get done Nov. 11th if I need support they would come and walk with me. I want our boys coming home to know that they can count on your support like I can count on my brothers in arms. Not just lip service or a parade but something tangible: a letter to a congressman. They need to know they have back up for some of the darkest hours some of them may ever face. Don’t condemn, criticize, or preach; just listen to them.
Slept on the ground in the rain; I passed the shelter.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Stayed pretty dry and was up and gone over nice ground cover. Met a bunch of day hikers getting them to write or at least say they will. It has been drizzly and gray. Found some neat rocks with which I filled my pocket and stopped because of weight concern. When I got to the shelter I asked if anyone knew about rocks. One guy told me, after looking at it, that it was slag from iron mills that were all over here. I said that I wanted to hear that it was alien meteors. He paused and said that is was alien meteors; I said Awesome.
While I am sitting on the log enjoying the fire and banter a man walks into camp, comes up to me, and asks me if I am Ron. I am a little surprised, say yes, and he tells me he is Rick (related to Adam and Nicole, my PR help). He asks would I like to go into town for supplies and go snake hunting tomorrow. Well, being Polish and known for some quick thinking, I said I’m not sure, let me see, maybe, yes in the span of about 15 seconds. We were on our way in the dark (using a light or they would have to have a man hunt for me). First stop: Wal-Mart to get some food and colorful raingear so I don’t get shot in hunting season. Next we pick up some steaks, then home to eat. Rick’s house is a little like a temporary warehouse for collections on loan to the Smithsonian Institute. He is an under-paid science teacher for Vision Quest (school for troubled boys) and a snake handling man as well as a walking Encyclopedia. I finally went to bed after looking at a few collections.
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