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Week 51    Week 52    Week 53    Week 54    Week 55    Week 56    Week 57    Week 58   

Sunday, January 21, 2006
We (Zach, his daughter and myself) went tubing in caves; first we had to walk a ways in the jungle then we took the tubes thru the cave and down a jungle river. It was Tarzan country, I could get into it, Cashew trees, Almonds, Banana trees, pineapples, all sorts of fish and game, what a jungle. When we drove back I mentioned to Zach about all the garbage I saw piled on both sides of the road where every we went; he told me that the slaves here where justed freed in 1940 which made since to me. It made since in that if I always had someone tell me what to do and in a way take care of me and my surroundings when they go whose job is it, do I have to do it, why and if the guy next to me isn’t doing it why should I. Then I could see me saying it doesn’t matter ,who cares, so what and I am off to apathy land.

Monday, January 22, 2006
Staying there this long talking to everyone as much as I do I spent the night with a native and got a first hand look at how most of the native live (the laborers make 1 to 1.50 Belizean dollars an hour which is 50 to 75 American cents). Here the majority of houses would be condemned, but being there is no building codes, wires are exposed, structures are faulty and dangerous, gas hookups are questionable, sewage is in above ground tanks due to the water table being about 6 inches down , garbage is all over and there are lots of stray dogs because most of the owners don’t feed them. This is a country that is self sufficient and you have to pay to go to school, there is no medication program and utilities and gas are as high or higher then ours. The majority of women here are treated like objects and their silence dooms them.

The parallel for women abused and victims from war is very close, my silence on their behalf has been their doom, it is no longer acceptable to me, from my lips to your ears.

Tuesday, January 23, 2006
We headed home today, when I got state side I was unable to get hold of my ride (George) who is to meet me at Newark at midnight. After going thru customs I just hoped he would be there for he was supposed to hear from me before he left the Hamptons to get me. When I arrived at Newark he was there, thank God. How many times have I not been there for someone, someone I told I would be there for and I was not; like the troops that come home and I say with the pledge of allegiants that I will be there for them and am not. How many times have I lied; so many times that when I do what I said I would people are grateful that I just kept my word, how grateful am I for the person that goes beyond his word?

Wednesday, January 24, 2006
Went to the post office in the morning and there was a lot of mail in response to the article run in Suffolk Life which was very encouraging. Talked with Dr. Simmons and made minor changes on our plan, solidifying our goals. Talked to Max’s people from One Freedom who are doing about the same thing we are looking to do in the aspect of counseling, so I am looking forward to working with them. What I hope to add to this is uniting all the groups together giving them a stronger and unified voice as well as making it a part of your service contract to get the intense counseling they need before they go home.

Thursday, January 25, 2006
Did a bunch of calling and some writing, this is getting to be a full time job, I had no idea where following what I felt compelled to do would lead me, I still have no idea and I am still going till we get a law passed.

Friday, January 26, 2006
Called Max to get his mailing address to send him a copy of the plan. When I got him he was at a funeral; his mother had just died and he was unable to talk. I felt horrible, like I was insensitive and intruding on his life, if I had known I would have called to support and console. Sometimes I get so caught up in that what I am doing is the only thing that matters, while there is a whole world of realities going on around me. In my world at this time it is my reality, the suffering and mental anguish of the troops. Just as in a friend or stranger who I know that has lost a close loved one I am understanding and compassionate, how more so for the troops coming home who have lost their buddies, many have seen them die before their eyes. Who has not had loss, who does not know that anguish, that trauma; I know I feel better when I am able to talk about it, vent, share, accept and go on with my life. I will never be the same no matter what for life is change, but the other way by not sharing it,it will eat me up inside and my life basically stops and I just exist.

Saturday, January 27, 2006
Got the CD in the mail they took of me when I left Washington to give out to promote the cause. Got a call from Christina who will be meeting with Garret upstate NY to go over plans for a Veterans home and healing, hope to see them both in February.