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Sunday, June 25, 2006
Camped outside of a shelter (locked out) it didn’t rain. Did 15 miles to Gorham, near the end of the day my feet got tender with the constant pulling of the rocks on the soles of my feet as I go down hill. Told a woman today why I’m doing this barefoot and that WWII Vets tell me it has affected them. She said it didn’t affect her father then tells me how when he is in a restaurant he has to see a window and have his back to a wall and that he has trouble with Thanksgiving because he used to see natives go through the garbage. “When he was in the war” she stopped, then said I guess they all deal with it in a different way.
With me, I was angry, self righteous, and arrogant. But now I know (knowledge is power) I can make it right or at least attempt to change. What good is being sorry for something unless you make amends. Being sorry doesn’t make it alright to keep happening; penance is no good if it just says you are unworthy, but if it says you made a mistake and you will correct it, make restitution; now that is penance.
Arriving at Gorham I decided to take a zero day and cut back my pace to 10 to 12 miles a day till I get to Connecticut where I can pick up my pace.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Zero day met Easy and Pepper both just got out of the Marines within the month and went right into the A. Trail, because they had trouble adjusting to home and thought they would ease it this way. They said de-briefing was a half hour of talk and paperwork when they got out. We talked and shared about the war and feelings. They resent people telling them about the war because they weren’t there and they have no solution to offer. They also realize that when they got home things seemed to change but, realized nothing at home had changed, they had.
Here are some poems from Easy
Friends come and go
Boys stay through highs and lows
We walk through the mountains far & wide
Nobody will understand, they’ll never know why
We ride each others emotions
We live through each others commotions
We aren’t separate or apart
We are one mind, one heart
Easy and Pepper are our names
Our story is our claim to fame
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In the depths of the maze,
My thoughts run in a million different ways
I’m here, at night I cry
I think I’m livin just to die
My minds dead, I’m fallin apart
My woman holds the key to my heart
She’s my angel, she’s my hope
She guides my way, she’s how I cope
If it wasn’t for her I’d be a wreck
She’s my guardian step by step
I love you freak, I really do
I love you so much I’d kill for you
Anything you want I’ll give to you
Just keep truckin with me baby
We’ll get through
I’m F___ed up sittin
At this bar, just missin
YOU!
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Ease my mind, ease my mind
Wake me from this bad sublime
We kill young, we kill old
We kill who ever want to go
We kill in one hand
And caress in the other
That’s why we come back
And become Fathers and lovers
Are we murderers?
I don’t know
Are we guilty?
Only God knows
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I’m so deep in thought
I can’t hear a F___ing pin drop
I try to erase these s___ty thoughts
F___ you Nam, you’ve got your own f___ed up thought
Don’t try in comfort me
I don’t need your sympathy
I’m a bad mother f__er
You wanna see?
I don’ know where
I’m going, my mind is lost
Help me Lord find my flock
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Old friends, and new
We meet as we pass through
From town to town
There’s always a Jar Head around
Semper Fi true to the core
No matter how much you hate it
No matter how they make you a whore
You live it and love it
No matter how much you say F___ it
Semper Fi, Do or Die
We always do it
We don’t know why
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Let my demons run free
Please God help me
I search and seek
But, I know I’m a lost sheep
Please Lord, help me find my way
I’m jacked up, I’ve lost wandered astray
I beg for your help but, I don’t expect it
I try to live your rules but
I don’t respect’em
I’m going to Hell, and I know this
Take me willingly, I won’t resist
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Easy come Easy go
The rain comes and the wind blows
I trudge up hill all the thoughts in my mind compress
My heads about to blow
Easy come Easy go
The wilderness is a monster
His roots trip my tortured tangled thoughts
I’m trapped, but I’m totally free
Free from a tortured mind set
That the institute demands
But, now I’m free
Free at last
This trip, this journey
This new chapter, to, this old story
I’m just riding this pony
Going with the flow
I’m a man of many minds
Easy come Easy Go
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Still June 26th
These are his poems, thoughts, feelings. How does he share this with someone who has never gone?
They heard my story on the trail and tracked me down because they felt I would understand, not judge and they want to help the cause.
How long will their walk home be?
Let’s make it shorter!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
It stopped raining (yeah) hiked 8 miles, pretty easy, started at 10am ended at 5pm. Gorham to Imp shelter. Met Spiritual Pilgrim… 12 yrs in the Army, he is looking to let go of some of his feelings re: the Military. When he went in he thought he was pretty bad but, he said he has changed and his best moments were when he was helping the Kurds in Turkey instead of trying to exterminate them. Life is change; the opportunity we have is getting to make a conscious choice of that change.
Heard through the trail vine that Just Jim slipped in the Notch and may be off the trail.
Imp Shelter had 8 people there besides me. I met Sprocket who is a nurse and his partner Janis is becoming a nurse. They noticed my foot was swollen and gave me some alcohol swabs and some suggestions as to how to care for my feet.
What I’m trying to do now is to take shorter days so they have more time to recover. After a week or two of that, I will try double zero days so they have a long stretch to recover.
At the Shelters here they have been charging $8 for the nights to pay for maintenance of the trail. You can work it off if you want. I have been paying.
There was discussion that deer flies like colors and things that move, I think it is all conjecture for there seems to be more than enough fly’s to go around.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Got a late start 6am, rather easy hiking over cast till about 11:30am then it started to rain, made it to the next shelter. Thought I was lost, the shelter was a cabin with bunk houses, and a kitchen, really nice!
Only did 7 miles. I cleaned, swabbed, and balmed my feet. The rain got heavier. I started thinking about Easy wondering if he was going to Hell? He was raised in the Catholic Church then going over seas and killing for his Country. Being told not to kill but, if it’s for his Country it’s alright, is that like a get out of jail free card? What is right? What is True, what do your peers make up for us that they don’t believe in?
I think what is most important is what we believe, and, that changes, and it should be as we get more knowledge, information and experience.
I may believe its ok to walk across the street with my eyes closed, until I learn that there are cars I can’t hear or there are pot holes I can stumble in. Then I change my beliefs and keep my eyes open and teach my children more by my example then my words.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Woke up to the sound of silence, it had stopped raining! I had a breakfast of granola & hot chocolate. The breakfast of champions.
Walking to Pinkham Notch I met a man named Burt and told him my story. He said he met me in “98” and that he was in the CLU, I said “I didn’t know what that was” he explained he resisted the draft and joined the Civil Liberties Union, H cried when I told him my story, I cried, we embraced. He had said, “Stopping the war is another way to end this”, I said “I know but, this is the way I choose”
My way is not the only way or maybe the best way it is just another way. It is the way I believe, what do you believe? What are you doing about it?
How alike we all are, just a little different face, size, shape, color, just a little different point of view to give it that unique quality that is us. We all know Love, Passion, Fear, Joy, all the emotions we are all the same spirit. Just like a snow flake is unique and they all come from the same water cloud.
Friday, June 30, 2006
I am taking a zero day, my feet almost feel human, I will do some Blue Blazing (taking some short cuts through the woods) to make up some time. I had planned to do 400 miles per month, and have only done a little over 300 this month, which I am told is good even for people with boots. Because of the tough terrain, steep ups and downs, solid rocks, boulders and number of high mountains.
My zero day is at a non-profit facility which costs 2 xs as much as the little hostels I have stayed at and has a more commercialized atmosphere. Kind of like McDonalds vs. Joe’s hamburger stand. Maybe it’s me but, a different atmosphere seems to cause people to act different, a little less open, a little more business like, a little less intimate. (Maybe do to a greater volume of people). Guess that is why it’s easier to make connections on the trail. Some days I don’t see anyone or 2 or 3 new faces; I am present when I am with them, they are another human being (spirit being human) and I hunger for that touch, that connection, out here I get that we are all one.
Saturday, July 1, 2006
I had breakfast at Pinkham Notch after a nice hot shower, then up to Mt. Washington. I met Mike along the way, we talked and he cried, he has 3 sons ages 16, 9, & 7 (as usual I cried too). What do you do, I say that you walk your talk with your children (with anyone and yourself) if you don’t, you’re a hypocrite and eventually they will resent you then find a way to hurt you (I know that is what I did with my Father). If you haven’t been doing this, you better come clean now and apologize, bare your soul, be vulnerable because you only have now, tomorrow never comes. Whether or not they go in the service support them either way let them know you have their back and you will always love them no matter what they have done even if you don’t like what they have done.
Made it to Mt. Washington, cold and windy, got blown over several times today. Met an ex-Ranger, he said it took him 2yrs to de-brief, I told him to check out the programs we offer, it helps isolate and deal with specific issues. He said he thought he was tough till he saw me. Met a Father and son who asked why I did it, the son said he couldn’t it was too tough. I said “if you wanted it bad enough you could do it” He thought and said yes. What wouldn’t you do for a loved one, what sacrifice would you gladly make for your child, work 2 jobs, go hungry, give an arm, and give your life? It wouldn’t be tough, you’d do it gladly.
I made it to Mizpah Shelter, doing about 10 miles in 9 hours. They had no room; they only make space for 2-3 thru hikers. (Thru hikers only account for 1% of the business in the White Mts., which I’m told a not for profit operation. I talked to Pyro & Burt who said they were working for a room & food (the people of the lodge tried to talk them out of it) I asked for a room they said No, but, they could give me a campsite. It is going to rain tonight so I asked for a spot on the floor inside for my tent, left a little to be desired in a thunderstorm. I hung around & talked to everyone but the manager who always seemed too busy, then I got the hint I was not welcome. I went another 3 miles, caught in the rain before I got to High Land Center which was also full but, the staff Jim & The Wood Warbler went out of their way and overboard to keep me out of the rain, fed me and let me get washed up. They said they understood. Their kindness and generosity was overwhelming, they make the world a better place by them being in it. Oh, I forgot to say Jim is going to the hospital for his heart tomorrow that is a man who goes the extra mile and humbles me.
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